I am a placid and friendly person and seldom had interpersonal conflicts with other people. However, When I was in my second year studying in university, I fail to maintain a good relationship with my roomie.
At first, we got along with each other very well. Gradually, I found that he seemed locking himself in his own world. Every time when I saw him, his brows were knitted. I felt that he was trying to distance me. In addition, I was busy with my CCA and school project at that time. Hence, I neither chatted with him much.
One day, he started to play video games until midnight. It was a kind of game similar to "Need for Speed" and it generated much noise. I am very sensitive to noise and can't sleep at all. What's worse, I had an important presentation the next day morning. Therefore, I told him to lower down the volume in a polite way and he did it. However, I could sense his unwillingness from his voice.
Since then, cold war break and we never talk to each other for a few month except "please lower down the volume"
Deprivation of sleep is the most intolerable for a person with regular daily schedules like me. Once, he kept doing that even when I was sick. I was so pissed off and did something stupid by posting some attacking words on a local forum with his name specified.
Somehow he found out my post and we had a serious quarrel. During the quarrel, I found out that he played video game with loud noise to relieve his frustration accumulated from job searching. He was in bad mood every time when I ask him to low down his volume. In addition, he felt 12 o'clock is still considered early, so he think my complain is very annoying (he usually slept at 4am). After emotional eruption, we talked through and solved the problem. We found that the problem was amplified because we fail to think on other's side.
What would you do if you are in my situation?
Well..you were right. And I guess, I would just sit down with them and explain the problem, considering you see him everyday in your dorm >.>
ReplyDeleteI kind of notice the trend with these conflicts....always need try confront directly while not being too aggressive >.>
If time could rewind, I think that you should have chatted with him to find out about his situation when you realized his brows were furrowed. Having stayed with him for some time, I am sure you would have realized when his moods were bad and since these bad moods persisted, by chatting with him, I am sure you would have helped to relieve his stress at the same time. In addition,you could have told him a few days beforehand when your presentation would have been so that he would not have to stop playing games last minute(and knowing that games are so addictive, to stop suddenly isn't that easy).
ReplyDeleteMoreover, when the cold war started, I agree this is hard but probably you could have been the first to break the silence by apologizing. True, it may not be your fault but if a sorry can mend relationships, why not say it? After apologizing, ask him if your can be friends again and through there, start to understand each other's situations. :D
If possible, you should have told him to use earphones :D
ReplyDeleteBut I think that posting on the local forum was really not a good idea. Though I am glad for you that you two made it up in the end.
I agree with Clara about how you could have started to clear the air before the cold war started. Although we cannot turn back time, I'm glad that the problem is resolved and that you have learned from this experience to look out for telling signs before the eruption, and you have shown that by being able to say that you even noticed when his brows were furrowed. So perhaps next time it is good to pop the bubble before it bursts!
I guess at the beginning, you can actually attempt to be friends with him. Nothing is worse than staying in a room with a "complete" stranger where you cannot share any problems with. On both perspectives, both you and him seems not inclined at fostering a friendship given your busy schedule. Hence, his only source of release seems to be that of video games. Isabel's suggestion of using a earphone is good but of course maybe he loves playing video games without them due to his frustrations.
ReplyDeleteSolving a problem should always take place at its source. But of course, posting a forum is just a source of venting frustration by you too. To me, it seems like a good source but posting his name is unacceptable. The Internet world is too small to go un-noticed.
Next time, try to observe their body language and try to open them up. You may be surprised by how many problems they have but are just waiting for a nice friend to share and advise them about.